I Felt So Unloved and Unworthy

I used to shout at one of my parents, engage in porn and a lot of lustful things. I used to fantasise and idolise men as well. I was dying inside as I was super lonely and isolating myself day by day with my fantasies and my fantasy world where I had powers, drowning in my insecurities. I was chronically addicted to games, used to play 2h, then 4h, then 5h then before I knew it 8-9h a day. If I wasn’t doing essential stuff to be alive, I was gaming.

Most of all, I felt so unloved and unworthy, yet had a stubborn heart that made me think I could overcome everything on my own.

One day, I realised I was living life like a robot and wasting my life on porn. I cried out to Jesus. I asked Him for help, if He existed.

He did deliver. I am now out of everything I mentioned above. I have never given in to lustful desires for 8 months. Thoughts of fantasies have basically 95% disappeared and is almost all gone. I have rebuilt relationships with my parent which was super estranged because of my constant fighting.

Most of all, I realised, through His love and tenderness, how badly I desired love and acceptance, and how He fulfilled my need for unconditional love and acceptance. He also showed me that there is nothing wrong with me… That I am a beloved child and friend of His, that I’m the apple of His eye, the four-leaf clover that blends in the crowd yet is rare and precious in His sight, and that I am much loved by Him!

This is all because of Him. If not for Him, I would be still stuck on my old life, having no hope, and worst of all, heading straight to hell with all my sinful choices, never knowing of God’s love ever in this life and to eternity.

If any of you wish for love, feel a hole in your heart… I ask that you give Jesus a chance. He literally gave me a new life. I would be dead inside without Him.

Musa